Choosing Peace During the Holidays

The holidays can be a fun time filled with joy and the creation of good memories for some. For some, it may be filled with dread and apprehension, especially if you have complicated family dynamics or relatives who drain your energy more than they fill it.

If you’ve ever felt that quiet sense of dread before a gathering, you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for feeling that way.

Here’s the truth: You don’t owe anyone access to you at the expense of your mental health.

It’s okay if you need to step back from conversations, relationships, or environments that repeatedly leave you feeling unsafe, overwhelmed, or disrespected.

And no, that’s not “avoiding conflict.”Healthy conflict is actually a good thing. When people show up with care, accountability, and a genuine desire to repair, conflict can be a mechanism that strengthens a bond through mutual respect and concern. 

However, when you’ve tried to communicate with clarity and kindness and all you get is defensiveness, gaslighting, or pushback… that’s not a conflict to work through. That’s an opportunity to create a boundary. 

This season, you can choose peace.

That might look like:

• Creating an internal boundary, such as managing your expectations according to who people have shown you to be. Sometimes, we can accept people where they are and choose not to internalize what they say.  

• Limiting how long you stay

• Driving your own car so you can leave when you’re ready

• Politely redirecting conversations that cross the line. A simple “Hey, can we avoid topics like politics, my relationship status, or kids this year?” can go a long way. And if people can’t honor that, you’re still allowed to hold your line.

• Skipping a gathering altogether

• Creating new traditions that actually feel good, with friends or family members who get it, or even opting to create your own solo traditions

Bottom line is that there is no gold star for suffering through chaos just because it’s “family” or “tradition.”

When things get overwhelming, take a break to regulate your nervous system

• Step outside

• Take a quick walk

• Sit in your car for a few minutes

• Text someone who feels safe

• Put on calming music

• Close your eyes and take three to five deep abdominal breaths

We want to focus on ways to regulate our nervous systems so we don’t self-abandon in the name of being “polite.”

A gentle reminder

You can love your family and still choose boundaries.You can value connection and still need space.You can want harmony and still refuse harm.

There is nothing wrong with protecting your peace.

And if this season feels heavy, remember:

You are allowed to choose the environments, conversations, and relationships that support your well-being.